The Givers or The Takers, The TruthTellers or the Fakers, and The Pozzies or The Negs?
Because sometimes you just have to choose who you want to stand next to.
How do we get things done in this world when so much is always going wrong? How do we keep our outlook up when change is generally so slow to come?
Doesn’t it sometimes feel like it takes hundreds to build, and only one to break? It takes tremendous focus and commitment to make the good things happen, but the bad is bred in a flash of impulse and a lash of frustration.
I suspect most of us have issues with… just about everything. Nothing works as it should, let alone as it could. The challenge and weight of all these factors accumulate, immobilizing some, but shaping all. And then on top of that…if only that was all there was!
Some seem chosen, and others extremely lucky. From where we stand, it often seems like we already have demonstrated all that is required to be wanted, needed, and in demand. In fact, perhaps we even have a whole lot more, and yet that too is not enough to get us through the door, let alone a seat at the table. There is no justice or even the modicum of fairness that would allow us to just sleep a wee bit better at night.
Despite all of this – our shared plight -- we don’t all react to it in the same way. Some have grown resentful. Some bitter. We don’t all let it get us down though. We don’t all let those impulses and frustrations get the best of us. Even knowing that many of us do, maybe most, we don’t let their negative ways limit our desire to do the good thing instead.
How does one keep giving when everyone else seems dead set on taking? Take take take. Doesn’t sometimes it seem like that’s all they do? Take take take. It could break us. But we won’t let it. Why? How? Why are they that way, and we another? Is it our mothers, our brothers, our lovers, or some other compound or wound?
I think I am a bit sensitive to all of this because of the position I once held at Amazon Studios. I was there five and a half years selecting what movies to make or projects to develop; to all on the outside – and many within too – it was as if I was on sitting on The Giver chair. They all seemed to think their role was just to receive. Just take. Take take take.
No one ever even seemed to consider it from my side, and then when my time was done at Amazon ,very few seemed to think through what I might be in need of after so much giving. Although I felt I had to strategize and then fight on how to get it, Amazon was perhaps best to me when I decided to leave. That says something. Not the people, not the people in or out — it was the company that shined. I say best, because the deal we made treated me well; they — or the individuals who worked there — did not go beyond that though to make it feel I was still “family”, that they were “friends”, that they actually wanted my films or contributions, and this was particularly so of those I had given personally to. So be it. Does anyone deserve that treatment? Sure it would be nice, but is it owed? I leave that one to you.
I am super pleased with what we were able to get done during my time at Amazon Studios. Sixty features made, acquired, and supported. Numerous more filmmakers and writers paid through development deal after development deal, many producers with overhead deals, and many generous actions to protect the talent and make things better. It was fun to get to do all that, but it would sit a whole lot better if all my experiences weren’t so one sided. I get that they feel that they deserved it – and they did. At least I feel they did, but it doesn’t feel like the industry ever feels it needs to give back in return. So be it. Move on.
But how do we reconcile those glimpses of good with a world that overall is not just or fair or kind? When so few ever get what they deserve?
I feel for you. I do.
I gave you something. I give you something now. My time. My efforts. My experience and my relationships. And in return, what do you do? Some of you give back. And that is a delight. It is a fortification. An inoculation. And I need it so, because…
Some others take whatever they can get and then come with venom and a desire to bite the flesh. Do they ever ask how they could help? Do you? Did you ever even try to help? And then what did you do instead? Tell me how I can help you?! Tell us all what you think you deserve? You’re so vain, you probably think this song is about you.
I don’t despair. I meet people every week who want to give. It is happening right now. So many people giving. Helping. It is thrilling. Truly. I bet I would meet even more good people, those Givers, if I got out more often. Yet forty years in TheFKATheFilmBiz have recently activated my semi-hermitic ways, as most of the people I have encountered from this industry are predominately Takers, sometimes even masquerading as a Giver. Some camouflage their truth by the ceremonial display of shipping that symbolic share of a gift of something they “love” – but really why? In order to more readily ask for something else later. Do they ever really plan to help? You know the answer. These people are not true Givers.
I recognize that it is hard for many to just GIVE without a prompt. But wouldn’t that be something if more of us could do that? Sometimes we have to invite people to do things, to participate, in order for them to activate that side of themselves. But it is a joy that gets shared, that one that is born when they respond with a “yes, please, thank you very much, happy to help!”. Thank you for that gift forged with truth. That’s the one that lives with me forever.
There are Givers and Takers. And then there are Truthtellers and Fakers.
Yes, open our eyes. Yes, open our ears. Keep our minds on high alert. Think of the past as we plan for the future. But how do we do that while simultaneously being sure to keep our hearts open?
Truthtellers tell the truth because they want to help bring us to a better place. Fakers may speak the truth but they do it with some other intent. It is often because when they feel wronged and they thus want others to feel wronged — but it is not the only reason they do this thing that they do. Most fakery goes on because we’ve been trained not only to love a hierarchy but to be willing to do just about anything just to not give up our position on this imagined ladder. Power rarely gives up power willingly and even the powerless cling to their status, whatever that may be.
So again, how do we reconcile all that with a world that is not just or fair or kind? When so few ever get what they deserve?
